Yet another painting idea. It’s another Gearworld piece–having finally broken my terror of doing reasonably realistic humans in physical media, my Muse seems determined to drag me up to speed on them as rapidly as possible. And I’ve wanted to paint Our Lady of Grackles for years.

Thing is, the composition in my head is relatively complicated. Not “Polar Court” complicated, but at least “Invarion” complicated. And I know–I KNOW–it would be better/faster/easier done digitally. There will be perspective involved. The potential to screw up direly is significantly less in digital media. And yet, I still have the urge to do it in real media. The Gearworld pieces seem to like being real media for some reason. It’s easier to torture them out in real media. There is no earthly reason that this should be so, but there it is.

But, as a few people have observed on these past two Gearworld paintings–it’s not bad, but the usual digital stuff is better. (No surprise there, I suppose, although it’s still mildly discouraging, if not at all unexpected. Then again, after eight years with Painter, it damn well better be better.)

So now I’m torn. The digital would be a better painting. The physical would be good practice in the long run, and would continue down the road of breaking my fear of complex physical scenes, and anyway, I kinda want to do it physically, but at the same time, with an almost superstitious dread, I don’t want to consign Our Lady of Grackles to dwell in a crappy painting. If that makes any sense.

Possibly I’m just overthinking the hell outta this, and since somewhere in here, it usually occurs to me that I’m actually just worried that my audience will be disappointed in me, I’m due to throw down the stylus and go “Hell with it, I’m doin’ it my way, and if it sucks, big friggin’ deal!” any minute now. As Harpold said once (and I quote frequently) “You can’t be afraid to make bad art,” and that’s what this is, no more or less. But still, I get the insecurity twinge now and then just like everybody else.

Eh, hell with it. It wants to be a physical painting, and you can’t fight the art.

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