I am afeared.

So I got this new computer.

It is a Mac, as I have finally been persuaded that, in the last decade, Apples have advanced to a point where they are capable of running Painter at a speed that does not greatly resemble a dead frog in molasses. I would always have been a Mac person, because I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING and they seem to be geared to that kind of idiot-proofing, at least comparatively, but I had to be an illustrator too, and that was simply not doable on Macs for many years, all bullshit about Macs being the premier graphics platform notwithstanding.

But now I have a Mac, owing the confluence of two factors—A) a need to rack up some serious business expenses to compensate for a big-ass lump sum book payment, and B) my old PC grinding slowly to a halt. (It was state of the art in 2007, goddamnit!) So Kevin put together the Ursula-does-not-want-to-buy-a-computer-for-a-long-time computer for me, and because it is a Mac, if it breaks horribly, I have someplace to take it.*

It is big. It was very expensive. Numbers were involved that made me break into a cold sweat, even with a wonderful friend who works at an Apple Store and got me the big uber-discount. I mean, this cost more than my first car. (Okay, my first car wasn’t anything to write home about, but it’s the principle!)

Kevin took it out of the box and started doing esoteric things to it. Apparently all of my computers can now talk to each other, which he thinks is really neat, and which fills me with a deep suspicion that the machines will be plotting against me when my back is turned. The word “sync” has been throw around a lot. I think “propagate” and “migrate” might have been in there, too.

It’s very fast. And shiny. And the keyboard is one of those obnoxious little chrome jobbies that scream “LOOK AT YOU, LIVING IN THE FUTURE!” and it’s just so damn shiny and efficient and revolting that I want to eat Doritos over it and bring it down to my level. And also control is not command and command is not control and it takes me ten tries to copy and paste anything and now I am bitter.

The problem—and I know this sounds stupid, but some of you will undoubtedly understand—is that my computer desktop is…well…home. In the days when I was moving every ten minutes and fighting off a nervous breakdown and taking anti-depressants and couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep and was surviving mostly on stubbornness and the fact I still had deadlines, what settled me the most was getting my computer set up, because that was the only familiar setting I had left.

To make matters worse, I now have a new version of both Photoshop AND Painter, rendering my usual workflow problematic at best. (Painter 7 to Painter 11, bit of a switch. Photoshop is slightly less frightful, but still.) Kevin is doing this thing whereby I can apparently make my old computer magically appear inside my new computer as a virtual image dealie, but I do not place a great deal of confidence in this working, and anyway none of that matters because what the hell did they do to my scratchboard tool?!

Kevin, to his eternal credit, eventually realized that this was a traumatic experience for me, and sent me out to get gin. When I came back, he had changed my desktop to the chibi Ganesh that I have on my laptop, and I felt better. Soon I will have gin, and then I will feel better yet.

Meanwhile, have some art.

8 x 10 mixed media

I recall people talking about sphinxes in the comments…anyway. This is honestly the sort of human face I feel most comfortable painting, possibly because the first artist I really really really wanted to be when I grew up was Susan Seddon Boulet, much to the eventual detriment of my ability to draw noses.

Anyway! 8 x 10, mixed media, lots of clear gesso and watercolor pencil and whatnot. Prints available, original for sale or will go to cons, you guys know the drill by now.

And now, to try and locate my fonts…


*This became really really important after my divorce, because I kinda married my tech support. At one point, Carlota called up another dear friend and said “YOU are going to make sure that Ursula never calls her ex-husband for tech support again!” To his infinite and eternal credit, he did so, until I got in a relationship with another tech guy. I hope to grow old and die with him, of course, but just in case, it’s nice to have Apple Care.

2 thoughts on “I am afeared.

  1. Hawk says:

    New computers always give you trouble, even when they’re eventually supposed to make everything easier!

    *hugs* I’m sure your stubbornness will get you through this too 😀

  2. Graydon says:


    Gotta say, my computer isn’t home so much as it is a component of my brain. No network connection is inconvenient in the extreme; no actual machine feels like brain damage.

    Thankfully, it’s a reasonably stable component of my brain, since no matter what has happened to the hardware (plenty) I’ve been able to run the same window manager with at least closely related config files for the last fifteen years. If I couldn’t do that I would mind the hardware changes a great deal more.

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