So Kevin comes over, and I come out of the bathroom to find him staring at the painting. You know, the 18 x 36 penis painting.

“I think it needs something still,” I said, ignoring the way he stared from his camera phone to the painting and back again, trying to decide whether to inflict photos on the world. “I don’t think it’s quite done.”

He tried to be helpful. “…a little winged frog perching on top of one of them?”

“That would just be weird.”

Once he stopped laughing, he managed to say “THAT would be weird? HAVE YOU LOOKED AT YOUR ART?”

I attempted to convey, mostly through hand gestures and stammering and giggling, that for some inexplicable reason, giant penises were okay, but putting a frog on top of one was just wrong.


“I dunno. I was thinking maybe more pink. Although I like the fade to blue at the bottom. Sort of…penises in the mist….”

He lost it again. (I love this moment, where the person I am talking to is fully aware of the absurdity of the conversation, and yet has one foot far enough in my weird little world that they’re actually trying to come up with helpful suggestions. This is a beautiful thing that my friends occasionally do, and I love it dearly.)

Once he calmed down–it took a bit–he suggested a butterfly. Which was actually exactly right for the spot.

“Yes! A butterfly! That’s perfect!”

“So, the butterfly is okay?”

“Yes. Now, a vertebrate, THAT would just be strange. But a butterfly is great.”

What? A vertebrate WOULD have been strange….

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