I have a lot to say, but it’ll take me awhile to figure out how to say it.

Return of the King was an X movie, where X represents whatever superlative you like, only more so.

But I got just one question, for all you die-hard Tolkien fans…

It took the fellowship half a movie to get from Rivendell to Rohan, and they had to go through Moria, and they had Gandalf, who’s practically a god, with them. And then it took a sizeable chunk of the next movie to get to the mountain fortress on this side of the Paths of the Dead.

Elrond, on t’other hand, on one horse, by himself, can get from Rivendell to Rohan with Aragorn’s sword in about five minutes.

“Yeah,” says James, “but he’s an elf.” “So was Legolas! And Gandalf was like a super-elf!” I protested.

This in no way diminished my love of the movie, but I just wanted to point out that Elrond must be one heck of a badass or else knew a really good shortcut.

Speaking of which, while there was a little too much hobbit-hugging at the final scene, when Elrond embraced Bilbo and led him to the ship, I was really touched. It was just…so…perfect. But then again, I loved Elrond. He was fabulous.


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